I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize