If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
