I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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