Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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