What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
