so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
