Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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