i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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