I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He has the fingertips of a God
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