Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
