Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
