my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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