There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
