Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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