My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
