We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
