i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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