Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
