i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
