you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
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Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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