just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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