i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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