I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
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Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
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I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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