so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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