Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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