First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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