I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
