Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
