I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
