This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
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he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
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Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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