I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.