Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
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Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
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If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste