Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.