She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
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She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."