I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.