She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.