went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
