So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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