areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
