Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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