she was so not down for the gang bang
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
