I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
