Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
