so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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