I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
