Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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