whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
