It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
