how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
