I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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