i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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