Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
