I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
