He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
