pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
