my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
