dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
