Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
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