nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize