So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
