I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need a beard to bite.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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