How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I AM VODKA MAN
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
