dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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