Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
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I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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