grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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