I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
