Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
