Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
