he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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