so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
They took my balls.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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