If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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