dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
