it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
